V-Day

I KNOW Valentine's Day is all about love. All kinds of love, not just the kind that you share with a significant other. I mean, if you actually break that down, significant means important and other means, well...someone else that is not yourself. So can't your friends also be considered your "significant other"? From there I just want to say that overall, I had a fabulous Valentine's Day. Besides having to work this morning, I ended up going out on a friend date with Katie Marlowe who, bless her heart, keeps me so sane. Without her, I don't know what I'd do without her. We went to Longhorne which, after waiting for an hour for a table, ended up being an amazing dinner and a really great time! Then we hit Jim's B-day/V-day party. We stayed for about an hour then hit the road. Idk what it was but neither of us felt in the "party" mood. As we sat silently in the car riding back, I realized why we both were kinda glum. Even though we both love our friends dearly and KNOW that V-Day isn't about THAT kind of love, it hit us. We may not be alone, but dammit, we are lonely. And sad, and it's sad that I'm sad, but things are not the same as they used to be. And this sadness is hitting me from all different angles and I feel my life spinning out of control at times. First reason I feel this way is I miss the days when everyone was truly friends with everyone. Where there wasn't drama or fake ass people pretending to be your friend and then not so secretly talking about you behind your back. I feel like I could count my TRUE friends on one hand and that is so dissapointing to me. And on top of that, my friend Jono is gone and I've been missing him so much lately. I wish he'd come back because he really used to put things in perspective for me. Other things that make me sad are boys. I know, I know. Silly me. But I can't help it. I hate feeling so vulnerable and I hate that the one person I thought I could count on to like me because he has liked me for so long, is the one person that is breaking my heart. And I know he's only looking out for my best interest, but sometimes I think I truly do hate him for all of this. And then there is also the other guy who actually does like me...a lot. And I'm still trying to sort out my feelings for him. I keep praying that they'll come, but they haven't yet and I keep wondering if they ever will. Anyways...hate to sound so depressing so I think I'll stop now.