The Beginning of Another Year

The beginning of another year and so many things that I want to accomplish. It amazes me how much has happened in one year and I wonder what this year has in store.

After much thought, I have come up with my resolutions for this year and I plan on sticking to them. My first resolution: STOP SMOKING!! First off, I should have never started, because a) it really is a gross habit, but jeez, sometimes a cigarette is just so very good. Best cigarettes of my life would have to be the first one ever and the first one of the day. I will miss these moments dearly because I felt that, even if for a moment, I was able to stop time for a second and I had no worries or fears. Just calm. Anywho, no more smoking. My second resolution is: LOSE SOME WEIGHT!! Just a few pounds...really, I just need tone up some. The big thing is that by this summer, I want a flat stomach. I want swimsuit season to be a good season for me, you know?

Besides this, there are some things that I really want to happen so that I can be a stronger person. I am done dating people for awhile. I liked a guy that I worked with and dated him. It didn't work out and right now I'm not sure what our status is exactly. It shouldn't be that way though. I should know exactly what is going on and since I don't I have come to the point where I feel like, no matter what he is thinking, I have to do whats right for me. Which means that I am NOT dating him anymore. I refuse to be treated less than what I deserve. From this point on he will only be my friend and honestly, that is wearing thin right now too. Last night, as you know, was New Years Eve. I called him several times to wish him a Happy New Year and he didn't answer...not even once. Even a good friend would answer, so it doesnt matter if we are dating or not. That was probably one of the most heartbreaking things for me to begin my New Year with. So, this is why I am done dating people. I have been dating some person or another back to back since this summer and even though I have been single for a bigger percentage of my life, I feel like I need to be single for awhile and figure out what I really need. You know, like really find what makes my life harmonious for lack of a better word.

Also, I hate how people treat people in relationships. People ruin people. The reason people freak out about relationships when they're in relationships is because some jackass who came before ripped our hearts out and stomped on them. It's so hard to walk away from a relationship that ended as a completely whole person. Because I believe that every person that you are involved with takes a little piece of you with them until eventually you are left with nothing. You want to know why people are so willing to not believe before they will believe or not trust before they'll actually trust? It's because how people treated us before. It the piece of us that they took. It's the lessons we learned and the tears we cried. It's the hours wasted away. People ruin people. And it's so very sad to me.